The Hard Part
In June I graduate. I receive my bachelor's degree. I attain the goal that has been ingrained in me since the day I was born.
My question:
and then what?
My entire life I have had a structured goal. First it was learning to share and passing kindergarten. Then it was learning to read. Then math. Then doing well in middle school so that I would get into the good high school classes. Then I did well in high school so I could get into college. Then I did well in college so I could get a good job. And that is where the structure ended.
I'm having trouble grasping the idea that this is the part where I just...live. From here on out I just try to pay my bills and live. I could do anything. I'm aiming to be a teacher, though my teaching friends and family have been making me think twice about the deteriorating public school system. But I can't just start teaching this fall, I'll be too busy getting married, finding a summer job (probably the same crap I've been doing for a while, depressing as that is) and then I'll sub or get an aide job in the fall, if things work out. But I really could do anything. Which is kind of scary.
My parents didn't figure out what they wanted to do when they grew up for a long time. My father got his bachelor's around 30, my mom worked her way through junior college, college, and at forty-one years old (with two kids, mind you) decided to go to law school. That means to be like my mother I have twenty years to figure out what to be when I grow up.
There is a phenomenon in my age group that I've noticed more and more lately: we all want to be the opposite of our baby boomer parents and have a career locked in at twenty five, own a house at thirty, and have a retirement planned - itineraries for our trips to Kenya at seventy - by thirty-five. Somewhere I read about a CEO lecturer who ran into college student after college student wanting to get their whole lives in line right now. He told them to chill out. The beauty (or curse, depending on perspective) of a capitalist society is that you can have fifteen careers during your lifetime, retire and have two more part-time. You can do anything. At any time. There really is no rush.
I keep telling myself this, but I'm still frightened by the idea that I'm going to "waste" years of my life doing something that I hate or that I will never be able to retire because I didn't plan enough. My future wife is older than me and the idea of working until I'm eighty and alone is really frightening.
But I keep coming back to my friends and family who have all had a few careers apiece and are stable, financially-secure-enough, and even - get this - happy with their careers.
I will chill out.
I will chill out.
I will chill out.
Life is an adventure, and it's time that I throw my head back and scream frigging
"WEEEEE!!!"
My question:
and then what?
My entire life I have had a structured goal. First it was learning to share and passing kindergarten. Then it was learning to read. Then math. Then doing well in middle school so that I would get into the good high school classes. Then I did well in high school so I could get into college. Then I did well in college so I could get a good job. And that is where the structure ended.
I'm having trouble grasping the idea that this is the part where I just...live. From here on out I just try to pay my bills and live. I could do anything. I'm aiming to be a teacher, though my teaching friends and family have been making me think twice about the deteriorating public school system. But I can't just start teaching this fall, I'll be too busy getting married, finding a summer job (probably the same crap I've been doing for a while, depressing as that is) and then I'll sub or get an aide job in the fall, if things work out. But I really could do anything. Which is kind of scary.
My parents didn't figure out what they wanted to do when they grew up for a long time. My father got his bachelor's around 30, my mom worked her way through junior college, college, and at forty-one years old (with two kids, mind you) decided to go to law school. That means to be like my mother I have twenty years to figure out what to be when I grow up.
There is a phenomenon in my age group that I've noticed more and more lately: we all want to be the opposite of our baby boomer parents and have a career locked in at twenty five, own a house at thirty, and have a retirement planned - itineraries for our trips to Kenya at seventy - by thirty-five. Somewhere I read about a CEO lecturer who ran into college student after college student wanting to get their whole lives in line right now. He told them to chill out. The beauty (or curse, depending on perspective) of a capitalist society is that you can have fifteen careers during your lifetime, retire and have two more part-time. You can do anything. At any time. There really is no rush.
I keep telling myself this, but I'm still frightened by the idea that I'm going to "waste" years of my life doing something that I hate or that I will never be able to retire because I didn't plan enough. My future wife is older than me and the idea of working until I'm eighty and alone is really frightening.
But I keep coming back to my friends and family who have all had a few careers apiece and are stable, financially-secure-enough, and even - get this - happy with their careers.
I will chill out.
I will chill out.
I will chill out.
Life is an adventure, and it's time that I throw my head back and scream frigging
"WEEEEE!!!"
posted by Bry at 5:22 AM
3 Comments:
Julia Child didn't even think about a culinary career until she was 34 - before that she worked for the OSS.
I had wanted to be a photographer since I was 11 years old and so went to photography school, graduated and then went..."Now what?" (There is actually a photo of me on graduation day looking really depressed.) I got a job in the industry and worked really hard and THEN realized that, as much as I love photography, I hate the industry itself. It wasn't until I was exposed to culinary work, at a holiday temp job I took to earn some extra cash, that I found the career that I now find so fulfilling (albeit exhausting). Since then I set a NEW goal went BACK to school (at 34) and, well, you know the rest.
So really, don't rush, Life has a way of fucking up your best laid plans anyway. Just enjoy the ride.
You should check out this movie. It's about being a teacher. A first year teacher.
http://www.chalkthefilm.com/#/home/
I saw it at the Madison film festival about a month ago. Enjoyable, somewhat like watching the Office.
Just keep in mind that a lot of people end up getting on with their "job" part of life and then get to a point where they feel frustrated in the sense that they're not really getting anywhere. That's when changes happen. You'll decide it's time to make the water underneath your boat move.
I love Morgan Spurlock; thanks for the heads up. It's not playing in Boston but I'll buy it on dvd as soon as it comes out. It looks great.
There are many transitions in life, career and otherwise. I am just blinded by the big-ness of the one I'm experiencing right now. If I hate teaching (like fifty percent of people who try teaching do) I'll do something else. Simple as that. Teaching will certainly be an interesting experience, though.
Post a Comment
<< Home