Loathe
Loathe. Now that is a good word for describing my feelings toward the woman who has hurt me, my Fiancee and my immediate family more than any other. I guess you could say she is my only enemy. This is a woman who through some subtle and some not-so-subtle ways manipulated a large body of followers. This is a woman who went on a crusade against me and mine, who put my immediate family members in grave danger of losing each other, and for whom I have no sympathy whatsoever.
Now, I will not say that I'm completely blinded by rage. She has done a few good things, too. Her family loves her and there are a select few of her followers who have honestly benefited from her actions. She preaches the right message, half the battle, she just does not practice.
Within my immediate family there is no end to the jokes at her expense. She is a topic that, it seemed a short while ago, could always bring a laugh from the crowd of the ones I love. Until recently, that is.
Sitting at dinner with our mothers, I threw out some insignificant joke about this woman. I was hushed. It turns out that she, in her mid fifties, has been diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's Disease. This means that over the next three to five years, her muscles will waste away until her diaphragm collapses and she suffocates to death without a ventilator. This is a disease I would never wish on my worst enemy. I know this because she is, and if I could wish her pain away I would. I do not want harm to come to her, except maybe some psychological payback from the karma train. This, never. I am honestly sorry this is happening.
BUT, that does not mean that I'm going to go on and on about how wonderful she is like some of her fucked-over-followers turned she-wasn't-really-that-bad babbleheads. I am no longer allowed to joke at her expense near my family. This bothers me. My moral dilemma is that I still hate her, though I hope to see her live a long life. Far away from me. She needs a lot more time on the planet to figure her shit out. But am I allowed to continue making fun of her for the horror that she has inflicted on her fellow man and that this disease has not changed? Our mothers say no. When someone is sick you have to be nice to them. I say yes. It bothers me when folks talk nice about dead people they loathe, and why should sick people be different?
I continue my jabs at her because they make me feel better. My life is just now recovering from what she did six years ago. I do not wish her physical harm. I loathe her. I do not think that I am being hypocritical.
Now, I will not say that I'm completely blinded by rage. She has done a few good things, too. Her family loves her and there are a select few of her followers who have honestly benefited from her actions. She preaches the right message, half the battle, she just does not practice.
Within my immediate family there is no end to the jokes at her expense. She is a topic that, it seemed a short while ago, could always bring a laugh from the crowd of the ones I love. Until recently, that is.
Sitting at dinner with our mothers, I threw out some insignificant joke about this woman. I was hushed. It turns out that she, in her mid fifties, has been diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's Disease. This means that over the next three to five years, her muscles will waste away until her diaphragm collapses and she suffocates to death without a ventilator. This is a disease I would never wish on my worst enemy. I know this because she is, and if I could wish her pain away I would. I do not want harm to come to her, except maybe some psychological payback from the karma train. This, never. I am honestly sorry this is happening.
BUT, that does not mean that I'm going to go on and on about how wonderful she is like some of her fucked-over-followers turned she-wasn't-really-that-bad babbleheads. I am no longer allowed to joke at her expense near my family. This bothers me. My moral dilemma is that I still hate her, though I hope to see her live a long life. Far away from me. She needs a lot more time on the planet to figure her shit out. But am I allowed to continue making fun of her for the horror that she has inflicted on her fellow man and that this disease has not changed? Our mothers say no. When someone is sick you have to be nice to them. I say yes. It bothers me when folks talk nice about dead people they loathe, and why should sick people be different?
I continue my jabs at her because they make me feel better. My life is just now recovering from what she did six years ago. I do not wish her physical harm. I loathe her. I do not think that I am being hypocritical.
posted by Bry at 10:50 PM
4 Comments:
I think your comments here show that you have a very healthy and self-aware outlook about the whole fucking mess.
Let us hear a few of the jokes here - if for nothing else, to get them out of your system.
Purdy pleeez...
ALS really sucks, however, a ho is a ho. No disease changes that.
I will make my feelings clear about someone I hate on the internet. But I will stop short of direct slander. And besides, most of the jokes come out of conversation, rather than classic "did you hear the one about the super-bitch" style.
Hey, shit happens to everybody. Good and bad people alike. This really has nothing to do with the fact that she's lothesome.
Go ahead and continue as you were.
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