Kim Jong Il Has Sand In His Vagina

This is a man who loves two things: himself, and movies. His love of himself is self evident if you've ever seen pictures of his palace. His love of movies he expresses by kidnapping foreign film makers and forcing them to direct his scripts. I highly recommend checking out the all-puppet satire of Kim in "Team America", because Trey and Matt did their research and represented the Dear Leader better than he could have.

He is a lonely aging wacko who has been neglected in the international media until very recently. Everyone was so worried about Iran that they forgot all about poor old Kim. So he began his "comeback" with some meetings and reunions of North and South Koreans. A feel-good, human-interest touch. Then he pulls out his Bombiewombies (which didn't work, by the way) and we're supposed to be shaking in our boots.

Now, I'm not saying that North Korea is not a nuclear threat. I think North Korea is mighty frightening. Ten years from now. Kim needs to be dealt with so he is not a threat in the future. But what pisses me off is the way the Republicans are spinning this sad little son-of-a-bitch.

We're not afraid of terrorists like we used to be. The estate tax reform fell through. Gays are not illegal. Hippies can still burn flags. What's left? The Asians.

I never heard of Kim test firing bombs before. But that's because American media never reported it before. I cannot assume that it means it has never happened. My guess is that he's been doing it for a long time. He loves his military (third to himself and movies) - they're the only ones in the country that get fed. I'm sure that if he invests enough to feed the bastards he's gonna want them to have big boom-boom capabilities. How could this be the "first" test of weapons we've been warned he's had for more than a decade?

But this is the first time we've decided to "intercept if necessary". The funniest thing is that we're ready to kick the ass of a guy whose bombs don't even work. It's like a body-builder beating up a six year old who won't stop saying "neener neener neener".

There are two major options about the bombs not working. My thought is that they simply don't work. Scientists with guns to their heads don't generally produce the finest work. The other is that they purposely had them crash into the ocean to "test the waters" (pun totally intended). But either way, Kim is not ready to blow up the West Coast, as we've been promised he'll do.

However, Americans have run into a shortage of things to be afraid of. Whenever we are short on supply and high on demand we seem to be saved by either the Middle-East or Asia. This time it's Asia. So, although Kim Jong Il has been a "major threat" for years, now it is newsworthy which means buy-extra-water-honey-we're-all-gonna-die.

Kim Jong Il and all the tons and tons of sand in his vagina need to be dealt with. I am fascinated to see how the international bitchfest will go. Obviously Russia and China are against us, because they are the defiant bullies on the block, and we will puss out to them, because they own Europe via oil and America via cheapplasticcrap, respectively, but we're not scared of North Korea because they don't give us anything. So who knows? We could invade North Korea before we even invade Iran. Or both at once!! Then we can dust off the ol' draft!!! Everyone under FORTY-TWO can wear a spiffy new uniform MADE IN CHINA. It's fucking perfect!

I am getting a bit ahead of myself. I am mostly being sarcastic. I think. We'll see. But I refuse to be afraid of Kim Jong Il, for now, and am much more afraid of the international reaction to him.

I should make a movie about my thoughts on him. He'd surely watch it. He has a room full of just about every movie ever made. I'm sure he owns a copy of "Team America". I wonder if he liked the scene where he sings "I'm so Wonewy".