The Organized Religion Thing

Alright. Finally time to discuss my feelings about organized religion. More for me to get my thoughts organized than anything else. Brownie points to anyone who reads the whole thing.

I was raised Unitarian Universalist, third generation. This is very rare, as the 100,000-200,000 person denomination is made up mostly of converts. Ex-Catholics, current Jews, and lots of Protestants who never went to church as a kid but want some kind of community and spiritual leadership as they raise their kids.

To be UU, you need to believe in one thing and one thing only: respect for the interdependent web of life and the sanctity of that life. Some take this more seriously and are vegan, most take it to mean eating but not torturing animals and respecting all human beings. It is liberal, democratic and of Judeo-Christian origin, with more recent Pagan influences. All churches are self-run, some more Pagan, others more Christian, some more Jewish, many a whole mix of all of the above. They all belong to the Unitarian Universalist Association, the central organization of the religion.

Okay. So I'm getting married soon in the church we both grew up in and the new minister wants us to join, become members, pay an anual fee to belong to a church in which we will be able to vote on church decisions. And this frightens me. I do not like the idea of paying for church membership, though those who cannot afford much are allowed to pay like twenty five dollars a year. But still, the money thing bothers me. But: how can you run a building without money?

Another thing that bothers me is the whole idea of having a minister lead a church. Sure, it's democratic, but that minister holds power and sway over the spiritual and emotional lives of the congregation. I know. I got fucked by a minister who mixed friendships, alliances, power and church law to ban people I love from church property for committing no crime. She threatened my family stability and did things I cannot publicly publish here. Until she did this to us, I wanted to be a minister myself.

And then there's the liberal rhetoric. I have strong liberal leanings. I believe in charity and support for those on the bottom of the social and economic ladder. But I do not blindly follow all the liberal dogma. I disagree with a lot of it. (I don't believe in the type of gun control on the books and think Affirmative Action is racist). To be a part of this church, it is assumed that you believe in the whole damn lot of it. I can't stand the ignorant blind peace-mongers who light candles before they eat a steak dinner praying for world peace. Shut the fuck up. There are times to fight and times not to fight. You have to use your brain to decide the difference.

I love that Unitarians don't assume you believe in God. What they stress, though, is the community. Which is fine. But I look around after the service and don't feel I particularly need this community in my life. If I were raising children, I might feel differently. I am glad I was raised in the church and love seeing the "old folks" who have been there forever. But I don't really need pot lucks and pancake breakfasts. I do, however, need the church building itself. If a family member dies, when I get married, I want the building I grew up in to be there for me. Hypocritical?

And then there are the sermons themselves. The current minister is a fire-breathing activist. She gets up there and PREACHES, and I mean PREACHES, motivating the congregation to save the world. And that's nice. But I don't want someone in my face all the time. I like her sermons because I disagree with a lot of what she says. I find that she makes me define my position because she comes from a pure liberal angle and puts me on a conservative retreat. Well, conservative for a Unitarian. But either way, her sermons are intellectually stimulating.

Back when I believed in God (I found God in Nashville, Tennessee, and I think that's funny) I had a few intensely spiritual experiences with Unitarian youth organizations. And they were central to my development as a spiritual person. But I have developed away from all of that. I am a strict humanist/agnostic. When I say "Humanitology: We are the answer to our own question," I mean it. I find the study of human culture and thought truly divine. My love of psychology, religious studies, anthropology, history, literature and art are all a part of my spiritual life. I am always searching for those traits that are universal, that make us human, because I believe that humanity is the most beautiful and ugly thing in the entire universe. In terms of a separate divinity: I have had unexplained experiences; I am perfectly open to the idea of a higher power. I just refuse to decide what to believe because afterward I will miss out on all things that do not conform to my belief. And besides, I don't think it matters whether there is a creator god or other gods or not. Morality and virtue are not dependent on anything but humanity. We know what is right or wrong, whether we attribute it to a higher power or not. I believe most people strive to be good, but that "good" is a culturally defined term. I am still trying to figure out the relationship between relative good and universal morality. Most religions and cultures agree on things like "don't kill" and "don't lie," they just disagree on the circumstances that make exceptions to the rules appropriate. Humans are capable of true evil. But the idea that good and evil come from different places, places other than the human heart, is ludicrous in my mind.

The church is not my spiritual home. It is not where I have revelations. Actually, the house I live in right now is. The house I live in is as close to a church as I will ever get. I have had most if not all of my "unexplained" experiences here. This is where I do any mediation/rituals that I am going to do. So I don't need the church for that.

I suppose I don't feel that I need organized religion. I just enjoy the intellectual stimulation of a well-writen sermon. I like disagreeing with someone's thoughts. Nothing spiritual there. But I want the building for my own because of all my memories there, because we both grew up there, because we need a place for weddings and funerals.

So am I a hypocrite not to join and still use the building? And if I do join: I always said I won't participate in someone else's holy ceremony because to do so without believing is offensive to those who do believe. If I sat through a Catholic Mass, I would stand and kneel where appropriate out of respect but not say the words that I don't believe in. So would joining a church I don't believe in and a community I don't feel I need be equally offensive?

I still don't know. We meet with the minister Sunday. We'll see how it goes.