Purses

At a recent gathering, a friend was wandering around holding her purse. When asked why she was carrying it, she said that she always does, even just around a party. The rest of us thought that her holding it was an indication that she was leaving, but it turns out she just likes to.

I mentioned something to the effect of "I've never had a purse, if it doesn't fit in my pocket I don't bring it". My friend's husband said, "That's because you're a lesbian".

It made me think and I would now like to correct that statement. I believe what he meant was that because I was dykey, I did not carry a purse. But he confused my gender identity with my sexual orientation. A lot of people do this, but there is a big difference between the two.

The biggest mistake people (gay or straight) make is thinking that a lipstick lesbian is different than a dyke. In reality the two are equally gay. On the "sexuality spectrum" they are clustered at the same end. But their gender identities are at opposite sides of the spectrum.

Sleeping with a woman does not make me put my cellphone in my pocket. Sleeping with a man does not make my friend carry a purse. Sexuality and gender interact in very intimate ways, but one does not cause the other. There are very butch women who are straight (we jokingly call them "shouldabeens"). There are femme lesbians. The same goes for both straight and gay men.

But the reason I don't carry a purse is because I hate carrying things and would forget it the moment I set it down. Simple as that.