Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Dear (No Mr.) President


The following is a recently rediscovered letter written by My Fiancee to President Reagan in 1982. She was as outraged by politics then as she is now. Spelling errors included for your amusement.

Dear President,

I wrote to you a couple of months ago about Nuclear Holocaust. But did you write me back? No, you didn't! You let your secretary take care of it all. I requested a real letter, not a cover letter. I received a cover letter. The whole thing is not a joke, and you should be very concerned. You should be busting your brains trying to ban nuclear bombs and try to make peace with Russia. Last night I watched a program on television called "Life During Nuclear Holocaust" on channel 2. I found out a lot of things, including - no one would survive the fallout. few people would survive the heat, fewer would survive the shock, but NO ONE would live. If I went to Austraila, I would die. If I went to South Africa, I would die. Lets face it. We would all die, no matter where you went. Would you care to aknowledge a few phamplets or television shows? No? Yeah, I knew it. Would you kindly take 3 miniature minutes of your time and answer my letter? I happen to be 11 1/2 and I would like to do something with my life. You are really helping to stop that.

Unsincerely,

My Fiancee

Purses


At a recent gathering, a friend was wandering around holding her purse. When asked why she was carrying it, she said that she always does, even just around a party. The rest of us thought that her holding it was an indication that she was leaving, but it turns out she just likes to.

I mentioned something to the effect of "I've never had a purse, if it doesn't fit in my pocket I don't bring it". My friend's husband said, "That's because you're a lesbian".

It made me think and I would now like to correct that statement. I believe what he meant was that because I was dykey, I did not carry a purse. But he confused my gender identity with my sexual orientation. A lot of people do this, but there is a big difference between the two.

The biggest mistake people (gay or straight) make is thinking that a lipstick lesbian is different than a dyke. In reality the two are equally gay. On the "sexuality spectrum" they are clustered at the same end. But their gender identities are at opposite sides of the spectrum.

Sleeping with a woman does not make me put my cellphone in my pocket. Sleeping with a man does not make my friend carry a purse. Sexuality and gender interact in very intimate ways, but one does not cause the other. There are very butch women who are straight (we jokingly call them "shouldabeens"). There are femme lesbians. The same goes for both straight and gay men.

But the reason I don't carry a purse is because I hate carrying things and would forget it the moment I set it down. Simple as that.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Kicking Ass


Last night I dreamt that I was driving down the street in a huge white SUV full of poodles. The big kind. I looked over to my right and saw Dean being pinned down by two homeless guys on someone's front lawn. One was holding him while the other punched him in the stomach. I slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car and ran over. I pushed one of the guys off of Dean, and he retaliated by trying to kick me. I grabbed his foot and threw him onto the ground. Dean grabbed the other guy. We proceeded to kick their asses to a bloody pulp. We had fun doing it too. Then the cops came over and took the homeless guys away. We walked back to the party where everyone wanted to hear the story and buy us a drink. Neither of us had a scratch on us, and we spent the rest of the dream telling and retelling the story and getting piss drunk.

It was a really good dream. Here's to our ass-kicking skills, Dean.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

School Can Kiss My Happy Ass Goodbye!


For now anyway.

Finished my project for my last class and started doing all the blogging that I've been (literally) dreaming about for the last few nights. Can you tell? Sorry about the length...I get all excited and ramble. Anyway, here are some posts to look forward to now that I am out of Finals Hell:

Free Tibet My Ass

True Confessions of a Homo

and

Why Working In a Deli is Worse Than Licking The Bottom of a Dog-Walker's Shoe

*All titles subject to change.
*There is no guarantee that reading this blog will not be a waste of your time.
*All posts are final.
*No exchanges, No returns of time wasted.

Discovering Buried Treasure







I feel like an old-fashioned treasure hunter. Saturday The Fiancee and I went to her deceased grandmother's storage unit to hunt furniture. We did find a lovely love seat, but more importantly, we discovered true treasure. I wish her grandmother was around to answer some questions.

The first two pictures at top really only matter to me. It's a set of miniature playing cards with a leather carrying case from sometime before WWII. The sides are gold leaf and every single card is there. I have found very similar cards on the Internet and they seem to be from between 1926 and 1936, but I haven't found these exact ones yet so they could be a reprint or something. I love them and just holding them makes me happy.

The letters, now there's the real treasure. We found a box full of letters, most of which are dated 1930, but they go all the way up to 1950. The main ones are to and from my Fiancee's grandmother's second husband's deceased first wife. Got that? So when her grandmother got married, her husband had all these letters from his first honeymoon. He, his wife Priscilla, his father (who worked for the Stromberg-Carlson Company) and his mother all went on a 11 week cruise all over the Mediterranean. The letter shown is printed on letterhead that reads:

The American Colony
P.O. Box 19
Jerusalem
Palestine

JERUSALEM, PALESTINE!! Priscilla complained that they covered everything old with glitzy crap and the best place there was the American Colony! Her father-in-law said that Italy was the best place they stopped and that Mussolini was doing a great job cleaning up the place!

We got a menu from their cruise, tons of letters, and the telegram pictured above. Western Union, dated Jan 24 1930. This stuff is unreal. We're reading all through it trying to figure out who all the names are, what their relation is. We also got the Stromberg-Carlson Exchange, the company magazine, with an article by the father about the trip. Under the title of the magazine it says "Connecting the Interests of All Stromberg-Carlson Workers". How many workers wanted to hear about their rich boss' 11 week trip?? The pictures are of them in Northern Africa, Egypt, Palestine and Italy. They hit just about everything off the Mediterranean and then went by train across Europe back to England to sail across the Atlantic again.

We also have a letter to Priscilla dated 1950 explaining the last 13 years of some woman's life. We're trying to figure out who that woman is. She married a German in 1937 (a total no-no) in New York City and in 1950 she was in Germany while he helped with charities and reconstruction. This stuff is so amazing I can't stand it. Turns out the Sphinx did not have a nose in 1930 (I had heard it was still there then), we know because we have a picture! We have dozens of post cards from everywhere they went and clippings from each hotel they stayed at. There were no zip codes then. And sometimes not even a street address, just Mr. X at This Town, This State, USA. Stamps cost 2 cents. When the father writes about the places they went, islands in the Mediterranian, places in North Africa, he always states which European country "owns" it right now. It really knocks it home that this is pre-WWII.

We haven't gone through all of it yet, but I am just floored by this stuff. Priscilla missed milk and ice boxes, and while she was in Italy she could not stop dreaming about spaghetti. She wrote home to her sister to tell her that she met a nice man on the cruise who asked "if there are any back home like me". Being the honest woman she is, she said yes. Now the man wants to meet and marry her sister. She apologizes and tries to describe him, saying she likes him but they have wildly different tastes in men, so she'll have to meet him.

I've never felt like a moment in time so long ago was so real. All the letters, telegrams, pictures...it makes the whole trip come alive.

I wonder if the stock market crash affected these people. They would have booked the trip well in advance, probably before the crash.

We even have a list of all the passengers onboard, Mr. and Mrs. Robert SoandSo style. One letter is addressed to Mrs. Benjamin Whatever. Women didn't even have their own names!!

Oh my god. Anyway, I just wanted to share a piece of this treasure with the world. We'll be doing more detective work and finding out more about these people. I want to make a framed collage of all the pictures and post card and letters. SO FUCKING COOL!!!

Oh, and we got a really old Heinz company clock. Perfect for the two biggest ketchup eaters the world has ever known.

The "News"




Can anyone explain to me why the "news" is always about fucking celebrities? Even Drudge cares about Brangelina or Angelad, or whatever the fuck they're calling that couple. And when did they start giving names to couples???!!!

Sorry, went to the gym today and was forced to stare at the tv for my 35 minute cross-training routine. There I am just minding my business trying to get in shape and the tv makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. And someone stole "my" WWII magazine so I was forced to watch the tv. I'd prefer soap operas to the "news" at this point.

Celebrities belong in checkout isle magazines. They are NOT newsworthy. But maybe if we all just stare into Jolie's breasts, we'll forget how bad a job the Administration is doing. What year is it? Nineteen eighty what now? FORE! Duck or you'll get smacked by the Coke Twins' (Olsen Twins') elbows, and those things are sharp as daggers!

*One more thing before I stop type-screaming: TONIGHT AT TEN: 8 year olds on diets! Anorexic first graders! We'll tell you how to talk to your children about anorexia.

I'm not kidding. It's airing tonight. You know why 8 year olds go on diets? Because they watch MTV, have mothers who obsess over their own bodies, and are allowed to go to spas, wear makeup and generally try to sell themselves as little whores years before they even bleed. How about having Mom keep track of the tv watching, stop being jealous of women who can barely stand, and stop reading those horrible magazines I see at the gym (theme here) that tell women how to loose weight and please their man enough to keep him from sleeping with the secretary? How about having Dad drool at women who aren't disgusting, or maybe give the kid a role model, because obviously if your kid is 8 and dieting, Mom is NOT a very good one.

Talk to your kids
TALK TO YOUR KIDS? IF A FUCKING "NEWS" SHOW HAS TO TELL YOU HOW TO RAISE YOUR KIDS THEN ANOREXIA IS NOT YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM!!! And how about this novel idea: make it so you don't have to talk to your kids about anorexia because THEY'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Quote of the Day


"There is no safe sex, for sex causes bonding, and there is always the possibility of bonding with a jerk." --Professor Anderson

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Katmandu, Where Kat and Man Du It Right!


And he wonders why they don't want him running the country? Does this man take himself seriously?

You're not doing too well if it takes me five minutes to figure out that the thing over your head is not a hat. I was wondering how he could balance it all up there.

And who made the Star of David the symbol for one of the only Buddhist countries left?

Bueller?...

Bueller?...

Anyone?

Educate me, bitches!

All Ye Who Love 30 Orne


REJOICE!

The Soul Sucking Couch

IS OURS!


When we go upstairs it will be a part of either our living room or kitchen. You will be swallowed by the power of the COUCH!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

This Is What Drugs And Educational Television Have Done To A Generation


Alright. I'm not sure how to put YouTube videos on my blog directly, so I'm posting the links.

These are clips from Wonder Showzen, a show on MTV2 that I only know about through the DVD's. Anyone who grew up on Electric Company, Seseame Street, etc. NEEDS to watch this. It's a kids show, with real kids, FOR ADULTS. It can be quite "out there", but it also can be unbelievably funny.

Make sure you pause these and let them load before watching them or they'll skip.

First, watch the ode to slaves. Note the girl pointing toward you, the audience.

Then, watch "Where do babies come from?". I seen a picture. But I don't wanna say.

Finally, watch "What is Heaven?". PILLS!!!


Today's post has been brought to you by:
Crack
Avoidance of Homework
and More Crack

Monday, May 15, 2006

What Has Been Banging Around In My Head Today


Homeostasis, and stability as a whole, is a process of constant change.

I think the above is exhausting but true. I think. It is a subject that was brought up in my take-home final that I've been working on for five hours now. Thought I'd take a break and either write something or shoot myself. Decided to write something. So, even if I'm wrong about homeostasis, this was a very adaptive blog entry.

I am in over my head with finals. I will post a bit irregularly until next Wednesday, at which point I am free from the shackles of the freedom to be educated.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Note to Self


Note to self: Do not mix tequila, beer and wine.

Other note to self: When drinking tequila, beer and wine, have more than a slice of lime for dinner.

Other, other note to self: Thank the nice flight attendant who introduced you to tequila.

Last note to self: Ask Tom if you have scared her away forever with your drunken tribute to Richard Cheese, and apologize if you did.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Universal Human Logic at the Institutional Level


The following, where I do not directly quote, is my paraphrasing of Herdt as my knowledge of the culture is a result of reading a few chapters of his, assigned for a class I am taking. As my copy of said chapters is a photocopy, I do not know from which of his works it comes.

The Sambia of New Guinea have a sense of sexuality that is strange and exotic from Western eyes. Every man spends his youth - from about age 11 (correction: they go in around age 8) to about age 17 - performing secret and ritualistic fellatio on older men (women do not know about this). When they are around marrying age and pass through a particular ritual to the next stage of becoming a man, they receive fellatio from younger boys. Sambia women do not menstruate until between 16 and 19 years of age, and if they marry before menstruation, they perform fellatio on their husbands until they are fully mature. A boy is not a man until after his first two children are born.

Once they become men, the Sambia drink the sap of certain trees to replenish their semen supplies, which are seen as of limited quantity. Semen is a central symbol of power, strength, and growth in Sambia culture.

This all seems very, very strange to the Western world. Our conceptions of homo- and hetero-sexuality make an institutional switch from homo- to bi- to hetero-sexuality across the lifespan seem totally...fucked up. BUT, if we learn about the assumptions under which Sambia society operates, their actions make perfect, logical sense. This is because all normal (not mentally ill or retarded) humans behave according to the same If...Then logic, but very different assumptions. I argue that if we understand the assumptions, we will see most human behavior as logical (at least at a societal/institutional level). (I do not use logic as a necessarily positive or negative word: understanding does not mean condoning. I am not attempting to draw any moral conclusions about the Sambia or any other culture, and, conversely, I am not arguing for a neutral, culturally relativistic approach to culture either. I simply mean to look at human logic.)

The assumption underlying Sambia sexuality is that semen must be attained, and is then of very limited supply. They believe that semen creates life, growth, maturity and strength. Women are seen as naturally maturing, due to their "blood organ", but men must be made men. Because semen is not made by the male body, it must be put into the male body. When a boy performs fellatio on a man, he is receiving the man's semen. The semen makes him grow, and eventually hit puberty and mature physically. What does not go into growth of the body is stored in the boy's "semen pool". When the pool is full, it is expressed through "wet dreams". This is a major sign of sexual maturity, and having performed enough fellatio.

When a young bachelor acquires a wife who is not menstruating, he can give her strength and maturity by allowing her to drink his semen (perform fellatio). This hastens the process of becoming reproductively mature, although many women do so without the aid of semen. Thereafter, semen is stored by the female body and eventually turned into breast milk, which helps the infant to grow and mature.

Procreation is not a one-shot process, either. The semen of the husband must be added to and stored by the female body until a baby starts to form. The mother's blood gives the baby its blood, but the semen creates all bone structure and flesh. Thus, the strength of the man is given to his wife and child by his semen. Sex with women is seen as taking much more strength from the man than oral sex with a boy. When men marry and begin having regular sex with their wives to build up a baby, they must get semen from tree sap to replenish the source (it is not appropriate for men to perform fellatio). The sap trees are on their land, which has been passed down from their ancestors, and their semen goes into their children's growth and sexual maturity, thus the circle of fertility and life is passed through the generations.

"In male subjectivity...strength is a transactional product that makes use of the father's secret sexual acquisition of semen from other men, which he feeds to his wife, whose body, in turn, has a natural capacity to store the fluid and turn it into breast food that strengthens and matures the infant."

This is a much more complicated process of social interaction than I indicate here, as some women believe that they make their own breast milk, but others don't, and some men enjoy sex with boys for its own sake and others don't, and I have not even touched upon the concept of sexual enjoyment, orgasm and sexual play. But my point is that IF a society believes that semen is of limited quantity, that it can be stored in the body for later use, that it is necessary for a boy to get it from somewhere, and that it creates growth, strength, and sexual maturity in both sexual partners and offspring, THEN Sambia culture makes complete sense. Homosexual activity in boys in necessary because of their understanding of how a boy becomes a sexually mature adult. The man can enjoy it and the boy can enjoy it (not all do), but, unless an alternative way to put semen in the body was created, it would happen even if both found it unpleasant. The boy receives what he needs to make babies, which is necessary for becoming a man. The man gives his semen to a boy who will then make children with the man's strength, thus spreading his masculine potency around the society and reinforcing bonds between the boy's kin group and the man's. (Often the boy is the man's wife's little brother, and his making the boy a man strengthens relations between the kin groups leading to supporting each other in war in the future and the boy possibly giving his daughter to the man's kin group of the next generation).

This is the most basic of overviews of Sambia sexuality, and in reality it is much more complicated than this as it involves spirituality, war, politics and just about every other aspect of life. But my point is that institutionalized homosexuality serves a major function in the development of each individual man AND strengthens bonds within the society. Institutionalized homosexuality is LOGICAL if you believe that sperm must be attained and sustained.

This is only one example of something exotic, strange, and counterintuitive for Westerners, but I do not believe that there is any cultural practice or institution that does not make sense given the assumptions involved. We all have the same brains, but we have very different information in them. Whether or not this universal logic applies to the individual, I am not sure. But I do believe that it applies to group goals and motivations for behavior. If this is the way it is (assumption) then we must do this (behavior).

If we do not understand the actions of another culture or group, we are missing information about their assumptions. I am tempted to say, but need more time to think about it: You cannot change the behavior of a group until you change the assumed world-view. Hmm...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Only Downside to Being a Lesbian



NO THEY AREN'T

If you had stumbled into my apartment this morning you would have found two lesbians lying in bed rolling back and forth clutching their stomachs and groaning, moaning and ocassionally gritting their teeth. Neither of us slept a wink last night and the advil only worked a little for me and not at all for her. We haven't started our period on the same day since exactly three years ago, but now I'm remembering why it sucks so much.

Two nights ago we had a screaming, crying fight over pasta. Pasta. No PMS here. Nope. Then yesterday the pain began. The worst part is that we're lying there looking at each other going "I am so sorry I can't make you feel better. I am so sorry I can't help you!".

She: "I'll do the dishes when I get up."

Me: "No, you have to write an entire presentation to do tonight...ugh...where's the advil?"

She: "Here, it didn't fucking work for me. Maybe it'll work for you. Take a bunch. But I'll do the dishes, you're in pain."

Me: "No you're in pain! I don't have endometriosis, it's not nearly as bad for me, and pain killers work for me. I'll do the fucking dishes!"

She: "Ughhh...."

Me: "I'll go get your coffee. What size?"

She: "You don't need to get my, ughhhhhhhhh, coffee...I'll get it..."

Me: "You...goddamn it, why does my lower back hurt more than my cramps?...I'll get the coffee you poor thing. You have...to...do...the project...."

Then she tries to lie on my shoulder for a moment before getting up and it's just a lot of "Oh! My boob! Move your elbow!" and "Shit shit shit, put your leg ON THE OTHER SIDE of my knee" and "don't touch my tummy! You're touching my tummy!"

Yeah. So, besides the occassional hate crime in the parking lot of Market Basket, that's the only downside to being a lesbian. Gay men are so lucky. Although, I suppose when they get older they have to fight for the bathroom a few times a night. But then again, two men can theoretically pee into a toilet at the same time. So, in the end, gay men have it far too easy.

Anyone who ever said lesbians are hot has not been around two women with their period at the same time. It is SO not hot. It's actually kind of sad. I am hoping that this will not happen for three more years.

And that is far more than you ever wanted to know about me and mine. Thank you and good night.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Quote of the Day


So if you suffer from astigmatism does that mean you see Jesus all the time?

--Fiancee

Monday, May 08, 2006

The Devil's Panties


I just want to thank Stacy for sharing The Devil's Panties with me (see my list of links). This is one of my favorites. I encourage everyone to navigate around; there are some comics, some sketches, some random things, but she posts something new just about every day. And there are a few real gems. What IS that smell?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

You're Welcome Japan!


I think Japan is the only country in the world that has televsion as messed up and disturbing as the U.S.

See? They did nothing but benefit from us after we got that little WWII scuffle over with.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Quote of the Day


Today's Quote of the Day has been provided by my fiance.

"Working with food is like working with tourists."

"Why?"

"Because the bullshit smells the same."

She has a point.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Ban Liberal And Conservative


Please, ban the words Liberal and Conservative when referring to politics. They are symbols of the ridiculousness of a bipartisan republic. I hate them.

I hate them if a person is referring to himself as one or the other, and I hate them when they are used as a political slur against an opponent. I hate them.

Why? Because their political meanings are defined by mindless adherence to party rhetoric.

Liberal=
Death Penalty: No
Abortion: Yes
Military: Eh
Gay Marriage: Yes
Education: More, please
Republicans: Evil

Conservative=
Death Penalty: Yes
Abortion: No
Military: More, please
Gay Marriage: No
Education: Eh
Democrats: Immoral

The use of these words encourages people who feel one way about one thing to subscribe to everything else on the list. Like gay marriage? Better want abortion too. But god forbid you like the death penalty. Feel strongly about building a bigger military? You better not be gay or into higher education for poor people.

Each of the above-mentioned issues and many more are important and need to be discussed intelligently by the entire country. But using conservative and liberal to describe any position on any of them means confusing all the issues and jumbling it all up until you have hicks on one side and hippies on the other having a name-calling match. What about those of us who aren't hicks or hippies? What about those of us who think about each issue and learn about the different opinions on them and come up with our own ideas about what is best? We do not conform to the label of Liberal or Conservative, no matter how we feel. Because those labels have been bastardized beyond recognition, to the point where I consider them both to be offensive.

Why do we need a label for our political opinions at all? I can't think of a single label that does not box a person into a particular stance on everything.

My political orientation is Thoughtful.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Ode To A Framily





(USED TO BE A PICTURE OF A SHANTY HERE)


Yesterday I spent the day job hunting and got 0 applications and 1 $10 parking ticket. It was not a good day. And then I got a call from a friend and went down to the local place of alcohol to have a few beers. I can't believe how therapeutic conversation in the sun with the Magnificent Basset and a gang of friends can be.

In America, or at least where I live (I forget that the rest of the country is so different than here that I should really not generalize because I don't know anything about the rest of the country) family is not just those you are related to. It's also the group of friends that become your core social group. The people I spend Christmas Eve with. The people I celebrate my birthday with. The people to whom I send mass emails when anything of any significance in my life happens. The people who make me feel better no matter what. These are friends who are family. These are my Framily.

My parents have a Framily too. They were like aunts and uncles to me. They changed my diapers and went to my softball games. They drank in celebration when I graduated from high school. They are a part of the normal family in the social world I grew up in.

In my Framily there are the more distant members, the folks I see every few gatherings. There are those who I see or speak to on a weekly basis. There are those who are at every gathering. There are those who I live with and depend on for the roof over my head. There are those who live far away (more than 15 minutes by car) and those who live within walking-home-drunk distance. But if I ever needed any of them, they would be there for me. And more than my actual blood family, they know exactly how to make me feel better when I'm down. They do it without even trying. And the cool thing about a Framily is that it is so diverse. We've got a little bit of everything in the group, and it makes for conversation that always sends me home thinking, laughing or combination of the two.

Most people choose their Framily. Mine was bestowed upon me. I thank my lucky stars for them.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I Love The YMCA


I love the gym at the YMCA because it is full of fat people, short people, black, white, asian, and hispanic people, muscular guys who are fun to watch when they watch themselves in the mirror, 14 year old boys who want so badly to be big and tough, female atheletes who make me wish I was in shape, old people who have muscles anyway, old people who don't look strong enough to do what they do, gay people, straight people, inbetween people, people who are there every day, and people who go twice a year. I could walk up and talk to any of the above and it wouldn't be weird. That's hard to find.

Oh, and no one looks at me funny when I struggle or fart or sweat too much and turn red like a cherry.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Quote of the Day

I was sitting in the bedroom, quietly reading a dated anthropology text, when I came across a phrase that startled me. I called out, "What does he mean by 'Black Africa'?"

From the other room came the reply, "All the part that isn't Johannesburg."

And I laughed really, really hard.

Too bad you can't see the shanty towns in this picture. Funny, I couldn't find a single shot of a shanty with the city in the background. All the pics were either shanties or big cityness...such a dramatic difference. And in all fairness, most people in Johannesburg are black. I can't believe so few white people were able to run the place for so long...

Monday, May 01, 2006

Why Life Would Still Suck Without Industrialization


You know what really pisses me off?

Those little tabs that never come off right on brand new mustard bottles. But right now I'm talking about the "good old days".

Living in our modern industrial world, academics (and others, I suspect) sit back and talk about how AWESOME things were before industrialization. How we've RUINED the world. How colonialism was EVIL (which is an over-simplistic value judgment and I fucking hate over-simplistic value judgments) and how people are miserable across the world because of US. (you can read US both ways)

How ethnocentric can you be? WE are the cause of the world's misery? Industrialization was the beginning of the end?

If there was a beginning of the end it was the invention of agriculture. But that's a rant for another day.

Humans are not strong. Or fast. Or all that dangerous without weapons and other humans to help. What we have going for us is our brains. They're really big. And we come up with ways to get around how slow, weak and ineffective we are physically. TOGETHER our brains meant we survived all these millennia. So we evolved as group-oriented animals. We eventually NEEDED human interaction (Harlow's monkeys and experience with feral children have shown us that without enough human contact we DIE). Which meant that we created societies. Which meant that we became what we now know as humanity. And do you know what happens when we create a society with its own culture and cultural pressures and have near constant interaction with people we depend on for survival?

CONFLICT.

Which is why life has always sucked. No, that's not accurate. Life has always been hard. Really, really hard. We like to look at "quaint" tribes in Africa and say that the only problems they have are a result of colonization. Like they would live in peace and harmony if it weren't for us. Walter Goldschmidt argues quite convincingly that the Sebei of Uganda were actually saved by colonization because it ended the wars with their neighbors that they were losing due to inadequate adjustment to settling down to become farmers (which happened before the colonization by the British). Got that?

Cultures create idealized images of what their people are supposed to be. The ideal and the real are very rarely the same. No matter which culture you pick, or which time period, if you're thinking that they are "happier" than you are, and they live conflict-free lives, you are not accurate. Dorothy Lee, a usually great thinker, wrote a painfully cheery essay on Hopi Indians. Apparently, we are supposed to be just like them because while they make all individuals bow to the group, each individual is appreciated for what he or she can do. They don't treat their people like interchangeable robots, which was pissing her off about the United States in general. She gave us a picture of a beautiful and fluid society where everything was perfect. She did not mention that the children were taught to fear Katchinas, gods who would punish them if they were bad, and then at 10 or 12 they were beaten by said Katchinas, finding out afterward it was their family all along. This was presented by David Aberle in a paper called "Psychological Analysis of a Hopi Life History" as the source of the major trauma and trouble with adjustment of one Hopi child.

Since culture came into full existence in the Upper-Paleolithic, there have been cultural roles and people who do not live up to them. There has been warfare due to economics and warfare due to ego. There have been individuals who feel alone and unconnected to their society, or who feel animosity toward their community. We all struggle with living up to the roles we are supposed to play. (Professor McSmartSmart said something that rings quite true: We see people from other cultures as truly human and can relate to them most when they mess up and don't fulfill their cultural roles, like when we see a couple ostracized for their forbidden love). There is extra trouble when the roles are ill-defined or in a process of rapid change due to ecological changes. Societies, all societies, are constantly in flux; we are our societies and we are forever adapting to the external world and changing to try to meet our needs as best we can.

"It is a peculiar conceit of modern man to think that...individual behavior, such as doubt in and disrespect for traditional wisdom is a product of our era, that tribal man, that humanity in its state of nature, neither enjoys the freedom of choice nor suffers the pangs of doubt." --Walter Goldschmidt

So let's liberate ourselves from the fallacy that if we could travel back two hundred or two thousand years we would live lives without conflict, disease, war, disappointment, betrayal and all the other fun things that go along with taking part in Humanity. None of this is new. None of it is a sign of the apocalypse (which we have also been predicting for as long as we've lived in communities...coincidence? I think not). Humanity is conflict AND the attempt to FIX the conflict. Humanity spends its life dealing with the problems it creates.

Disclaimer: This is a rant intended to make us accept society for all its problems, not reject it. I believe "Humanity" is what has set us apart from the animal world. Not opposable thumbs, but society. And I love society. We are born without morals, character, or value (I refer to social value, that we matter to people, because I'm not sure I believe in objective value). Socialization in the family, the community, society and the world gives us the morals, character and value which make us great. Cultures are constantly changing, and you can argue that in the industrial world they change very quickly. But there have been many periods in time when cultures have had to change quickly - for example every diaspora ever - and we adapt. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But that is our official profession as a species. And as we are still here and have been wildly successful at procreation (how many billion people are there?!!), I suppose we can slap ourselves on the back and say we're mighty good adapters. CHEERS TO US!!